For the First Time Again
written last 2021
I watched the sunset for the first time again today.
The first time I saw her, I hardly glanced at her. Her changing hues are colors I see every day, and the busyness of life has denied me the joy of seeing her transform in her beauty.
But today, I stole a glance. She was wearing an entrancing dress, the tip of her garments turning black. In a technology-filled world, I did as anyone would if I saw something as beautiful and as mesmerizing as her — I went to my room, took my phone, and stole pictures of her. I checked the gallery and viewed the photos, but it couldn’t fully encapsulate the magnificence of what my eyes beheld. So I settled my phone down and studied her instead. Her orange dress grew shorter, as someone continuously cut it, and the garments that were once colorful became darker and darker until it swallowed her completely. What she once was — radiant, jaw-dropping, eye-catching — faded into something else. As her once colorful dress transformed into a black gown, reaching the edge of the sky, she did not look any less radiant. The darkness gave her elegance, an exquisite charm. Where her once fiery mode challenged everyone who came its way, her solemn ambiance gave those who watched her a sense of hope and confidence, declaring that she was still worth loving and fighting for despite the darkness surrounding her. And she is.
I studied the sky today. How her hues constantly change — along with her moods, her personalities, her ever-changing atmospheres, and her evolutionary transformations — as she changes from one dress to another. She was beautiful, and elegant. And as I watched her help the sun set, and her burning beauty changed one into a calm and solemn grandeur, I ponder on how life has treated me.
It was the first time I saw her again. The confinements of my house made me forget how I longed to see her transform. I wonder how things could have been if I made a different choice.
If my friend and I didn’t have a falling out, would we still be talking ten years later?
If I chose a different program, would I have already reached my dreams instead of putting them on hold?
If I had chosen another college, would I have met the friends I have today? Would I have a different set of friends? What kind? And would we still be talking now?
If I chose another company to work with, would I have learned the lessons I picked up now? Would I have a different system in the principles I am building now?
But oh, the skies and the sun. They remind me of each day that has passed. Regrets will stay as regrets. And memories and moments will last as what the emotion has given them. But in each what-if and could-have-been, the skies reminded me of the glorious change, of the ever-constant reconstruction of life. She made me contemplate the days, the weeks, and the years that have passed. It is good, healthy even, to reminisce about the life once lived. But she reminded me that the past, no matter how much you dream of an alternate reality, will remain as that: the past. The dark nights were the nights when I danced with her and saw her glow. Those were the hours she stayed awake with me with the sleepovers and all-nighters. The moon comforted me in the wee hours when the dusk was surrounding me along with my own kind of darkness. With all of those nights, the heavens showed me that the darkness is where I can see the lights flow, and where I can shine with the stars despite the absence of the sun.
I watched the sun set for the first time again today. I gazed upon her as she changed her clothes, the way she always does — slow, subtle. If you blinked, you’d miss it. If you get used to it, you’d take it for granted. But today, I stole a glimpse of her again, and I thank God I did. Because she reminded me of what falling in love with what life feels like again.
She doesn’t feel like what-ifs and could-have-beens.
She is not filled with past regrets and unreached dreams.
She is created with open and created doors.
She is reminisced with tipsy nights and drunken memories.
She is remembered for movie dates, food hopping, and road trips.
She is filled with inside jokes and secret conversations.
She is dressed in sunrises and sunsets.
To the sunset who showed herself to me, thank you for making me fall for life again.
After two long years, I missed you.
May I never take you for granted again.
