III: The One That Never Got Away
written last 2019.
18. On top of your bed is a display of different items: A wand, a flute, a bow and arrow, and a sword. Choose one weapon for each battle. You may change after you defeated a monster, but you cannot switch it while in battle.
19. Choose the flute. Stand with confidence and play the instrument. Music will flow out. You may have never played this instrument before, but the flute knows you. It recognizes your music. Continue to play as your heart desires. Your music will bring you to the first monster under your bed. If you do not play with determination, no music will come out. Instead, screams from your earlier encounters with the first monster will appear out of the flute, making you deaf.
20. As you play, the Iesus will glow and throb a bright red color. It will shine brighter as the monster crawls out of the bed. Remember to safeguard the pendant. This jewelry will be your saving grace, whether or not you realize it.
21. The monster creeps out under your bed, and your heart quickens. Your knuckles will turn white and your face will pale. Your eyes will grow wide when you recognize this monster. Do not push the emotion down, let it play through the flute. Acknowledge the fear you have for this creature. It has done much damage to your life. You have every reason to be afraid. But do not stop playing. If you do, the monster will torture you. The music will cease to flow out of your flute, no matter how badly you wish to play again.
22. The monster has something that belongs to you, and it’s holding the item in your hand. The monster will take shape into somebody you know, revealing its roots. The monster’s head fills up with black tousled hair. His wide grin will turn into a crooked smile you longed yourself to love, and forget. Its eyes, gray and lifeless, morphs into the color of the sky. It continues to change, becoming a person you recognize; the man use you have loved and loathed. Remind yourself: This is a dream. Everything is not what it seems.
23. Your former lover shows up in front of you. He looks disheveled, his clothes stained, like the worst and final argument you had with him. Look into his eyes. Once mischievous, but now swollen with rage. Notice his lips, then filled with crooked smiles, but ending up in snarls and angry remarks. His hair is the only thing that stays the same. You see his discolored shirt and his angered expression. This is the face etched into your mind at your last memory with him.
24.. He walks to you, his hands trembling, reaching out to you as if asking for you to come to him. On his other hand, holds a crucial piece. A cracked red shape. Do not stare at his eyes. Do not touch his hand. His eyes are bloodshot, filled with guilt for what he has done to you. But remember, he is a monster. He is a monster you’ve kept under your bed, and it’s time you get rid of him. If you look into his eyes, the memories of your fights and arguments will swallow you. If you hold his hand, he will crush it with a grip so strong, your cries of pain will be ignored.
25. Study his hand, but do not stop playing the flute. Do not let the instrument depart your lips. A mist will swirl on top of his hand, a bubble of the last memory you had with him. Memories of screaming, him destroying the pictures you both created, and you opening the door, forcing him to leave. Relive the last time you saw him. But remember, you are not alone. The Iesus is with you. If you protest to relive the memory, the mist will solidify and will keep you stuck in this memory, forever.
26. Allow your emotions to surge and let each beat of your broken heart play a song. Let each fight you had with him soar as you battle him. He thinks of you as weak, and that may be why you kept him. But you are no longer weak. The Iesus throbs and glows at the memories. Let the glow brighten as you course through your anger. You are not at fault. If you stop playing, he will proceed to show you your shortcomings but never showing his. Do not let this happen.
27. Once you have played out your anger, you will see before you the man you first fell in love with, not the man who has hurt you the most. His eyes are bright and full of hope, and his smile is still crooked. His clothes are plain and no longer stained. He stands before you smiling a genuine smile. His hand offers you the cracked piece. Take it. Grab the object without touching his hand. If he has not yet changed into this person, continue to play the flute and let the course of your emotions run. Do not quit playing until all your feelings came to pass.
28. Play your song to the man you once fell in love with. Love, you are hurt. Allow yourself to be angry. But you need to learn to forgive. He is no longer a part of your life, so stop letting him haunt you. He is a memory. Nothing more.
29. Your former lover will turn into ashes. Let him be. As they fly and disappear, memories of the two of you will form once again. Not the ones that scarred you, but the ones you cherish and hold dear in your heart. Love, watch the memories fly away. Let yourself mourn for what could be, but you have to embrace what could be. You’ve still got an entire life ahead of you. And his inability to love the way you deserve does not reflect your worth. You were worthy of love before you met him, and you are still more than enough long after he left. The Iesus will dim and its light will lessen as you sob. Touch the necklace, and it will appear cool and comforting to the touch. Let yourself grieve. If you refuse to acknowledge this emotion, the ashes will follow you and will not leave you. It is as if the monster is still there, and you are letting it haunt you. Love, learn to forgive him. Learn to forgive yourself.
30. The monster has disappeared. The mist has fallen. All you see is your bed. Look at the red piece in your hand. Put it inside your bag. Remember not to lose it. Glance at your weapons. This monster is the first of many. You can change your next weapon, or you can continue with the flute. The choice is yours.
