I hope you find your way back.
Written last October 2020
To my prone to wander heart,
The world has been cruel to you. Time and time again, you fall into his traps, telling you — you are not good enough despite — what God tells you otherwise. History repeats itself. Just when you’re getting back on your track, life shoves you to the ground. Just when you’re starting to gain confidence in your newfound identity, they point out your flaws, your imperfections, your mistakes.
Your heart breaks in each shove, shatters in each accusation, bleeds in each push, and cracks in each stumble.
But love, while you suffer in this world, while your heart continues to break and shatter, there is a God who reminds you otherwise. He will pick up each piece this place has broken in your tear-stained heart. He will give you a new heart altogether. (Ezekiel 36:26)
Child, when the world points out your past, when the mistakes of yesterday haunt your tomorrows, I pray you seek comfort in knowing God does not find fault in your tainted history. The moment you became His, He has forgiven your sins. He has made your heart as white as snow. (Isaiah 1:18)
Honey, when the world shows you your mistakes, when social media reminds you of your imperfections, and when life mocks you for your shortcomings, I pray you will remain unfazed. No, you are not perfect. But the God who holds your life is changing you. You might not see it, but He is molding you to be more holy, to be more Christlike, to be more like Him. (Hebrews 10:10)
Darling, when the world reveals to you your disability, your mental illness, I pray your anxiety will not get the best of you. Your mind is your own demon, and the bravery you possess to battle it every day is empowering. Panic attacks and anxiety attacks might stop you, but you will rise again. You always do. Because with Him, you can do all things. But it is only through Him, He will give you strength. (Philippians 4:13)
My beating heart, when the world points out your riches, or lack of it, I pray you will not give in to covetousness and judge yourself for the things this world views as success. You can only have so much in this world. But you won’t be bringing it after your death. May you remind yourself of the promise you will receive once you meet your Heavenly Father. For now, you will toil in this temporary world, but once your time has passed, He will reward you and grant you your inheritance, as someone who belongs to Christ’s family. (Ephesians 1:11)
My healing heart, when the world convinces you — you are not worthy, I pray you will not believe the lies it feeds you. I pray you will stand firm, and open the Word, and retaliate to them who you are. You know who you are. You know whose you are. You are a child of God. (2 Corinthians 6:18)
My fighting heart, when the world reminds you how small and insignificant you are, accept it. It is true. In a vast universe, we are minute creatures, but we are not insignificant. You are chosen to be a child of God before the foundations of the universe were even formed. He was thinking of you before you were even conceived. Before your father and mother met and created you, He has fallen head over heels in love with you. My fighting heart, you are chosen to be with Him before this world, this universe, even existed. (Ephesians 1:4–5)
My strong heart, when the world tells you — you are not worth anything, and when it exposes to you the people who left you, I pray you will accept the harsh truth. Yes, they abandoned you. They have scarred you. They have hurt you. But love, Someone also gave up the comforts of their home to experience what you are experiencing. He has suffered every betrayal you suffered. He has seen each tear you cried. He has admired the things you admire. He has hated the injustices you abhor. He died when no one thought you were worth dying for. And no, you were not worthy of His life, far from it, even. He voluntarily chose to, because of His unconditional, unshakeable love for you. And love, He was powerful enough to defeat death. Just as you will. (1 Thessalonians 4:14)
So to my prone to wander heart, history will repeat itself. I know the world will creep itself back and shatter you once more. But I pray, when it does, you stand firm on the principles you identify. I pray despite the lies and half-truths it has fed you, you only hold these revelations close to you: God loves you. He chose you before nature itself even began. He died for you, and His death was worth it because He defeated Hades. The moment He became your Heavenly Father, you became His. The minute you became a child of God, you are molded and being changed to be more like Him. And when the time comes for you to leave this world, an inheritance, and a Heavenly Father, with a love so unshakeable, so incomparable, so unimaginable, will wait for you, with open arms. (Hebrews 11:16)
