When Desire Stays the Night
That’s when I know it’s real. When desire doesn’t leave in the morning.
There are nights when the hours pass by in a blur. And it usually ends in disappointment. The meeting is always accidental — reading a book in a cafe, drinking in a bar, watching a movie, or even running on the treadmill. But when he comes, he refuses to leave. Desire is quick, demanding. He gets what he wants, and he refuses to take no for an answer. He barges in late at night, and just when I hope he’ll stay until the morning, he disappears. When he isn’t beside me, he haunts my dreams, demanding action and progress in every waking moment. Desire haunts me and my thoughts. And in the unholy hours of the night, I lie awake, unwantedly longing for him.
But there are days, when desire is gentle. He knocks on the door, waiting to be let in. When desire wanes down, he lets me take my sweet time. The need to rest ebbs and flows, and he lets me be. He settles in his seat as I cook in the kitchen, all in good time, in an unrushed hour. In the coffee shop, we talk and discuss our plans, and the strategy to meet his expectations. We take our sweet time sipping coffee, knowing a plan is needed, and the battle is slow. The urgency to win is present, but the longing to stretch it out is just as important. In days like these, he is with me every time I long for him, and the haunting turns into a sweet comfort, lying next to him and him holding me tight.
And that’s when I know it’s real. When desire doesn’t leave in the morning. When he stays over for breakfast and laughs at the inside jokes we share. When the passion is awake but the balance of resting is just as present. When the need to grind is heavy, desire gives himself to me. But when the timing is needed to be slow and careful, he can be just as patient.
Desire has helped me reach my dreams. On days when the longing almost becomes impossible to fulfill, he lets me sleep in my bed, with the blanket over my shoulder, allowing me to take in the extra hours of slumber my body craves. But on the nights when the drive is impossible to stop, he gives me coffee, the motivational push, the need to keep going.
And when desire stayed from days to weeks to months, it’s something I know I should ponder on more. Can I keep this up one year from now? Decades from now? Or will desire slowly drift away, until he lets me find something new to long over for? He refuses to give any answers, only a secretive smile — knowing these thoughts hold the answers only I know. But for now, desire and longing will be by my side, staying and pushing me along the way.
